“I feel so safe when I’m with you, Carl. It’s like there’s no better place for me on earth, or even in Heaven!” Sam pointed to the night sky, where the stars glowed with their dim, blue light. He leaned against Carl’s chest; Carl stroked his face and kissed him, gently, softly. “You make me feel like I’m someone to be appreciated, cultivated, doted on. Someone who is worth every penny. Someone who you should be devoted to.”
Sam ruffled his fingers through Carl’s hair. They sat in the bed of Carl’s truck, blankets and pillows cushioning them. “Sam, you’re someone special. I can’t be like this with anyone else. Sometimes my life feels like a prison, and these times I spend with you are like my furlough. I’ve always had to cover up who I was. I had to say I liked Batman when I liked Wonder Woman. I had to say I liked dogs when I was really a cat person. I had to swallow so much of what I wanted, I was like a robot. And then you came and gave me my heart back.”
“You know, it doesn’t have to be like this. There’s other places to live. We don’t have to be split all the time, living two lives.” Sam’s teeth began to chatter in the evening chill.
“Look, you’re cold. Let me help you with that.” Carl chuckled, and brought Sam close to him to kiss. Their lips were tense with the cold, but slowly softened with the kiss. Their mouths soon relaxed, and began moving in synchrony. Carl drew Sam to him, and covered them with his grandmother’s quilt.
Sam ran his hands down Carl’s chest, feeling his strength, his power. He broke the kiss, and started kissing Carl’s neck, moving down his body, stroking his back and his thighs. He felt Carl’s erection tight against his jeans, and Sam put his face against it, giving it gentle pressure. Carl giggled and stroked his shoulders.
Sam lifted his head. “Give me a hand here, big guy?” Carl nodded, unlatching his belt and opening his jeans, pulling them down and off his socked feet. “Get those boxers off too.” Carl obliged, his engorged dick jutting upward in the starlight. Sam leaned forward and licked down the shaft.
Carl lolled his head back and forth as Sam worked, alternating between low moans and grunts. “You are just the master of my cock, I’ve gotta tell you, Sam. But I think I’m ready for something more.” Sam pulled off his cock and grinned.
“Tell me you brought the lube this time.”
Carl fished in his jeans pocket, and extracted a tube of Vaseline. “We don’t have to just use spit this time.” Sam had his sweats and briefs off, and Carl applied a generous dollop of grease to Sam’s asshole. He took another squirt in his hand and added it to his already wet dick, and he leaned over the crouching Sam, fitting in his cock slowly, enjoying the velvet tightness.
Sam felt the warmth and fullness through his stomach and chest, extending all the way to his throat, as he gasped. Carl reached underneath him, feeling for his prick. Sam smiled, feeling like energy was coursing through him, making him bigger, like he might break open with the joy and pleasure.
It had to end, of course. Carl grunted and clutched Sam tightly to him, and Sam savored his aroma, musky, smoky, full of the world of work. He spasmed as he filled Sam with his cum, and Sam was next, shooting into the Carl’s hand, the quilt. Carl wrapped him in his arms again, and they held each other in the cold night.
Sam thought of that night often over the next few weeks. If he could have frozen a moment in his life and lived it over and over again, that would have been it. He worked the cash register in the gas station, and Carl made some excuse to come see him every day on his lunch hour at the library. The next time Carl came to pick him up, Sam was giddy with excitement. He watched himself in the mirror, combing his hair again and again, tucking and untucking his shirt. The doorbell rang, and Sam was out the door and with him before the second chime had ended.
After Carl pulled in to the parking lot, Sam leaned over to kiss him, but Carl stopped him. “Sam, I can’t do this anymore. I brought you out tonight to tell you I’m marrying Kendra.”
Sam fell back into his seat like he’d been punched. “What? You told me you broke up with her!”
“We’re back together now. We’re getting married.”
Sam felt tears well up in his eyes. “You’ve been lying to me.”
Carl looked out the window. “I have a dream for you, Sam. You wake up one day and you’re different. You’re not like you are anymore. You’ve found a nice girl and settled down, and you’re raising kids. Don’t you want that?”
“You need to shut the fuck up right now and take me home and then never talk to me again. Damn it!” He was crying now. “I trusted you! You told me we would be together! Every word you say, it just smothers me and denies my existence. And I have been living with this my entire life. I don’t need it anymore. I’ve hurt too much already.”
Carl clenched his jaw. “I have responsibilities, Sam. It’s not just about what I want. I’m the only son in my family. Why do you have to make this so difficult?”
“Difficult? I’m just like you. I have so much to offer, don’t you see? Don’t you see? Of course I’m complicated. Of course I’m high strung. I feel so many things in this world and I try and close myself off so I don’t have to hurt all the time, but when I was with you, I opened back up again. You saw me. You recognized me as someone who was beautiful. It was like I lived in a room full of strangers and you called out my name.”
Sam continued. “You know how it feels, like I’m betraying everyone in my life every time I love someone? Every time I want to kiss someone, I’m breaking someone’s heart? What I am is so evil, so dreadful, that even God hates me? He created the universe, and he loves everyone, except you, Sam, he doesn’t love you.” He felt like his tears would never stop.
“I want you to calm down, Sam. It’s going to get better. You’ll find someone else. This is killing me too.” Carl gripped the steering wheel.
“You don’t think people know? You don’t think they’re all laughing at you behind your back, taking bets on how long it’s going to last, before she catches you with a dick in your mouth!”
Carl glared at him, daggers in his eyes. “Maybe I oughta just kick your ass.”
“Is that what you’re going to do?” Sam closed his eyes and pressed his palms to them. “Just take me home.”
As they pulled up to the curb in from of Sam’s house, he turned to Carl. “I have so much to offer. I have beauty and I have love, and I’m not going to hide it and pretend my whole life. I’m so much more than these shitty confines. I’m going to be free and no one’s going to stop me.” He slammed the door of Carl’s truck and walked into the night.