Best I Ever Had

Around October 2018, Concetta and I were trying to resume our normal relationship. Calvin was sleeping through the night, although he was still in our bedroom. I have been sleeping in Jacob‘s room and we hadn’t had much sex.


Concetta set up downstairs while I was putting the kids to bed and laid out the foam mattress on the floor with a quilt and pillows. She lit candles and made a nice little romantic spot for us to be together. It was lovely. I showed her something on my phone that she didn’t like, that disturbed her. The mood was temporarily ruined.

I tried to pull up the Ed Sheeran song “Thinking out loud,” and I ended up pulling up “Perfect, and the lyrics were very on point. We each had one airpod, and we danced together in the dark.

‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
Darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you’re holding mine

Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, we’re listenin’ to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids, but we’re so in love
Fightin’ against all odds
I know we’ll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I’ll be your man
I see my future in your eyes

It felt like when we were first together, and when we would dance in my room in college, and listen to Coldplay or Nick Cave, and just hold each other. We began to kiss, and I told her how much I loved her, and I knew she was still the one that I want to be with. I took her in my armsand we laid down. We made love, and we came together, and it just felt so right and good, like we were meant to be together, that everything was going to be OK. After all the sleepless nights and arguments and longing, the screaming and the loneliness, it felt like we could reclaim our love, that the struggle wasn’t going to be forever, and that everything was going to pass.  It felt like we would feel whole and healthy again.

After we fucked, we fell asleep, and Calvin started to cry soon after that. Concetta went upstairs, and I slept downstairs. That was the beginning of things getting better for us. I called it our sexual renaissance, in which we had a rebirth of good feelings between each other. We started having sex, sometimes every day for more than a week in a row.

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